Ratherness

I’m all for advocating people to not compromise,

To go for what they want,

To be optimistic and never give up.

But tonight, I entered a state of “ratherness”,

a mental state where I would rather watch a balloon drift away in the sky than watch a slow death near by.

A ratherness derived from this sureness…this mess,

So I’d rather be painless.

But also compromised.

Fear has placed me here and I’d rather be in this uncertain limbo, I’d rather remove the 99.98% possibility, I’d rather play this path safe.
Because after so many chances and attempts, I’d rather stay alone. So no one can put me in a place of their ratherness from their uncertainty towards me and leave me certainly broken.