Ratherness

I’m all for advocating people to not compromise,

To go for what they want,

To be optimistic and never give up.

But tonight, I entered a state of “ratherness”,

a mental state where I would rather watch a balloon drift away in the sky than watch a slow death near by.

A ratherness derived from this sureness…this mess,

So I’d rather be painless.

But also compromised.

Fear has placed me here and I’d rather be in this uncertain limbo, I’d rather remove the 99.98% possibility, I’d rather play this path safe.
Because after so many chances and attempts, I’d rather stay alone. So no one can put me in a place of their ratherness from their uncertainty towards me and leave me certainly broken.

Magic

It’s absolutely beautiful and unexplainable when a song, film, any form of art just immediately strikes inspiration in someone.

How else could you possibly find an explanation other than … magic.

This is how the film and music from the film The Greatest Showman make me feel 😭

Home

It’s hard to know where Home is when you’re heart and mind are fighting for it’s place. 

When two places hold different parts of your soul and together, you’re whole. 

Moving forward, I’m trying to appreciate all great views that come my way until I finally settle down in one place.
Until then, forever chasing “home”. 

Perspective

Random thought: I like sharing my opinion. And I like when my opinion is asked for. Because it challenges me to think… really think. 

So, thought I’d try this out but if you have a topic, social issue, or anything you want a random person’s perspective on, feel free to let me know and I’ll turn it into a post. 
Until then, working on some new poetry. 

– Vic.

Peeling back three layers.

Not quite sure where these came from but when reading these three haikus back, I wonder where the words, feelings, and inspiration came from and how they were planted into my head. They were all written in the same sitting.

1.

like knowing your name

I want to know your heartbeat

but is that too deep?

2.

a single moment
lingers for a thousand years
but lives in one blink.

3.

stars drift in circles

orbiting in pure darkness
with hope of daylight

Runner.

gravel and wind,

a steady pace,

two ears,

one song,

three minutes. 

rain or shine,

it stayed drumming,

two sides,
one road,
three people. 

Two eyes,

one second,
three miles.

Two lies,
one wall,
three times.

Two people,

one ran,
three stayed.

me. myself. and i. 

Skipping

Remember when we used to draw faces,Out of the stucco on the walls?

Or how about that time we jumped up and down

Until you experienced your first cramp?

Who knew where you got these crazy ideas

But you did, and you swore they would take you somewhere in life.

We skipped throughout the entire day

As if our lives were a real-life Disney Princess movie.

But now, I skip back to those moments and memories

To escape today’s reality.

You were so young and bright

Full of hopes and dreams

But I skip back to those moments to try to hold onto you.

It’s so different now and I feel like you would be disappointed

To see what life has become…

To see that nothing you were so sure of came true.

I try to look back at what happened

Almost as if I could run into you at any given moment

And have an answer prepared.

I want to blame your parents

For making you feel like you had to skip

Over most of your childhood,

Growing up faster than the other kids in your class.

 

I know it’s been a while since we last saw each other.

I didn’t mean to take you down memory lane.

And as awkward as overdue reunions go,

Can we hangout again?

Maybe we can meet at a park

And compete to see who could swing the highest

Like old times.

Or skip until our legs can’t possibly skip another block.

 

You know how Dad used to always say that one day, you’re going to look back and say that life happened in the blink of an eye?

Well, all those times you shook your head and laughed at him, I can sure tell you that he was right.

Don’t ever grow up. Stay the way you are. So that I can come back and visit you from time to time

And remind myself that we’re the same people and

Age doesn’t take away our magic

And that skipping never gets old.

 

 

Sincerely,

You

Confused

I don’t like to call it a liquid form of courage,

because all the words you say,

after pouring it into your mouth,

bring out the confusion in me.

I start pouring my heart and energy into battling between the truth.

But what really is truth?
Who really knows if your sober thoughts are sober?
Are they sober, just because of the lack of alcohol?
Are they intoxicated with a facade that your over-thinking behaviors have fermented,
or are they brewed and filtered to hide the true tonality of your heart?

Are my thoughts making any sense,

or do I sound like a rambling drunk?

The only thing I am for certain is
that I feel very…

Do I hold onto those words or

throw them away because of how your fatal lips
spread the scents of “courage”?

The only thing I am for certain is
that I feel very…

You don’t speak to me for days

and all I can rummage up
is time wasted on dirty conflictions,
between your clean intentions,
or mysterious disposition.

The only thing I am for certain is
that I feel very…

On days like these

I wish you were here. 

Cause I need you to tell me that everything is going to be okay. That I’m all that jazz. That I matter. That out of all the gems, I sparkle the most in your eyes. Be my biggest cheerleader or even a super sassy cat who won’t show any warmth yet still knows when you need a major cuddle session. 

Except… I don’t know you yet. I don’t know who you are. Or if you’re even out there. All I know is that the concept of you is more than just a nice thought.

Because on days like these, on days where I need you to make me feel like the most important person in your world, you’d really be the most important in mine. 

5 pm traffic & a wandering mind

You just didn’t find my worth, worthwhile.